Learning to Dance

Ah, life has so many different tunes, some are slow and lazy, some have a quick step, some a happy and joyful then there are the sad songs, the melodies that wrench your soul and yet we must learn to dance to each tune as it is played.  It is those sorrowful melodies that are the most difficult to dance to, we want to stop everything and hide from the pain, often confused as to which way to turn.

My life has been playing that tune for a couple of years now and this past year and a half have been the hardest. To sum it up quickly my Todd beloved husband of 20 years made the choice to leave us his family and move on in life without us. Heartbreaking is not the word for this sorrow no words can express it.

In the first months I prayed like never before in my life, prostrate before my Lord, asking all the questions, how and why.  I poured out my anger, my sorrow, my pain.  Then one day that still small voice whispered ever so sweetly in my ear, are you finished. "Yes, Lord", was my reply.  He then said listen to what I have to say. He brought me to his Word,  

Luke 15, 8-10 Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost. Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth. 

For the first time I saw a glimmer of hope. Could it be true that which is lost can it be restored?  A few days later I was lead to the web site Rejoice Marriage Ministries (http://rejoiceministries.org/) and there read the story of this couple whose story was so much like mine and Todd's in many ways yet God restored their marriage and gave them a ministry to encourage others.  I saw hope, a gleam of hope, yet my journey had just begun.  Even as God gave me hope for the end of this journey He also showed me it was going to be a long and difficult road.  

Journal Entry Dec 27,2010  God woke me early this morning from my sleep He told me many things.

1) He loves me, He sees my pain and holds my  tears.

2) He loves me Todd and sees his hidden heart.

3) He will take care of Todd and I need to leave him in His hands.

4) King David left God for his own sin and there was a time before God rebuked him and  there will be a time before God is ready to bring Todd back to Himself and me.

5) God has work He is doing on me, He is refining me to make me more like Him, The fire hurts and burns but in the end there will be joy.

6) He is working on Todd to refine him as well.

7) Todd is my husband and I should not resit him but obey and walk close to Jesus.

8) The new house will be a blessing, God is getting the perfect one ready for me.

9) Best of all "Now Kristy go get you daughters up go to you husband, I have much for you to do."

He did have much for me to do, the new house was found, move was made, so many other things I can't began to list this past year. This I have learned and am still learning when God says something it is a promise, a promise that will not fail, you can hold on to it.

For now the family is broken, new home for the girls and I and in many ways a new life that is strange and foreign. One of my daughters chose to live with her father, the other two with me.  He has moved on with a new woman and even a new baby.  Yet as a dear friend reminds me almost weekly we must dance on in life.

The music will keep playing and I Kristy must learn to live without half of me joyfully serving the Lord, mothering the girls, singing praises to God, trying new things and going on adventures until I see my promise from God.

A few weeks ago I was in a dark place and a wise friend wrote me these words. 

"And that thing about just live your life? I think you do know what it means. Until He leads you somewhere, do the laundry to His glory; feed the girls to His glory; clean your house to His glory; finish those cute sock monkeys to His glory; read the Word, fellowship with the brethren, worship Him in song - all to His glory. Do the shopping, get the appliances repaired, sweep the porch - whatever presents itself before you, do it all to His glory. Cry to His glory; laugh to His glory; bury your head in your pillow to His glory! I know, sounds crazy. But it's true. And know that you are not alone."

This is what it means to learn to dance. And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. (Colossians 3:23-24) And dance we shall we may fall down sometimes but we will get back up and keep going until we reach the end our journey and are home with Jesus.